“Drive It Like You Stole It.” Dream Like You Meant It.

I wake up from dreams so real I can touch them, that the dream is more real when my eyes are closed than my life when my eyes are open. Dreams have a way of shedding light upon the truth, highlight the past, spotlighting the future, perhaps focusing upon the present.

My dream starts taking hold. It only seems like yesterday when in fact it was almost thirty years ago. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt the way I did then ever again. Maybe I never grew up. Maybe that’s why I am still forever searching. You see, I fell in love a long time ago; a very, very long time ago, it seems. I’ve tried to recreate that feeling, looking for it here, there, everywhere, but to date unsuccessful.

“I think she’s an amazing human being, never seen anyone like her. The way she talks and looks. She wears this sunglasses, and when she takes’em off, her eyes… are like the clouds clearing to let pass the moon.”
— Sing Street

I was buying music at Von’s Records, searching for any compact discs by Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, Smashing Pumpkins and Pearl Jam. Her mother walked in, much younger then, than I am now. She was leaving the next day for Colorado. In my young, teenage mind, that seemed like a far away place, a place I would never get to, and therefore I would never see her again. Heartbroken, I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t even mustered the courage to tell her how I felt. Tonight would have to be the night, cos tomorrow, she would be gone. And so I snuck out of the house late at night, but early enough to know she would be home. I knocked on her window, which sat just above ground-level. I knocked again and again and again, to no avail. She wasn’t there. And so I went across the street, sat down on the grass and just waited. She would be back soon, I thought to myself. And so I waited and I waited. I would tell her how I felt; and she would smile. We would put our arms around each other and we would kiss, one of those kisses that would last an eternity. She never did come back. I fell asleep; and when I awoke, I just walked back home, dejected.

I never forgot that feeling.

“You can never do anything by half; do you understand that?” — Sing Street

I did. I always would.

I realize now that she wasn’t the person I was supposed to be with but rather she was the person who would show me how to feel, to love, to give all of yourself to the person I would indeed end up with. Without her, I would have never discovered the depths to how much I could feel, how much I could love. It’s who I am. Without her, I would have never known the best part of being me. And for that, I am eternally thankful.

And just like that, I woke up.

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